When we were young, we all had delusions of grandeur and thought the world was our oyster. We dreamed of being astronauts and princesses, superheroes and supervillains. But as time passed, we grew out of those dreams.
Sometimes it’s because they are improbable (princess), but often the only reason we give up on these dreams is fear.
Fear is the not-so-silent passenger in the back of your mind. It is the soft voice that whispers in your ear saying you can’t, you won’t, you shouldn’t even try.
Without even realizing it, fear may be keeping you from your dream job. It belittles you and makes all others superhuman. It freezes action and limits success, stifles innovation, breeds mediocrity and — even worse — encourages contentment.
Fear is a relentless anchor trying to sink you and your dream. It says “you’re not good enough” or “you’ll never succeed” without giving a reason why. And when it comes time to search for and accept what you have defined as your dream job, fear is the only thing holding you back.
Unfortunately I don’t believe there is any way to eliminate fear all together, but there is a way to keep it from stealing your dreams away. And the first step toward that is to understand what fear is and what it is not.
Understanding Fear
The term “fear” means something different to everyone. We have all created our own definition over time from our own unique experiences.
However, most of our definitions mistake fear for the physical characteristics that result from it. The knot caught in your throat. The butterflies filling your stomach. Those are all reactions to fear, not fear itself.
Around the same time I came to this realization, I also found an acronym which I believe properly defines fear. When I feel the vestiges of fear creeping into my mind, I remember:
F.E.A.R. = False Emotions Appearing Real
More often than not, fear takes hold because there is some unknown in a situation that is already unfamiliar:
- What if I end up not liking this job?
- What if my boss is terrible?
- What if my new coworkers hate me?
- What if the commute is unbearable?
- What if I change my mind?
I remember when I made the decision to leave my first “real” job. I was more worried about the unknown than anything that could have possibly happen as a result of the move. Every one of the above questions popped into my mind as I considered the change.
As we break down the F.E.A.R. acronym, you’ll see why fear is not something that should lead your life. Fear should be a simple reminder every once in a while that you are testing your limits.
It’s False
First of all, fear is not real. It is a thought. An expectation. Most surprisingly, it’s self-imposed. Therefore it’s within your control.
The thoughts that creep in and cause fear are not based on any real threat. It’s simply an expectation that the worst-case scenario will happen. And while that’s possible from time to time, it’s not the most likely outcome of most situations.
In reality, you give fear the ability to be bigger than your dreams, bigger than yourself. It manifests as a truth of what will happen when in reality it is merely one of many possibilities, most of which are more likely. Because of this; fear is false.
A great example this is any of the many thoughts that flood your mind when an a great opportunity presents itself. Perhaps a promotion has opened up in the department you’ve been dying to get into. In reality you’re the best fit for the vacant role, but fear puts false beliefs into your head.
- “You don’t have the experience”
- “You won’t be able to lead that team”
- “They will never see your value”
Rarely are these thoughts based on anything in reality. But when they are, you’ll find that they aren’t something you should take to heart. There are many reasons why you are the best person for that dream job of yours. Most importantly, your passion for the role itself.
If you remember this, the weight of what you fear will be lifted. You will not see it as a barrier, rather as a small obstacle to overcome.
It’s an Emotion
Fear is an emotion. It’s a feeling that is internal and specific to each individual. What I fear, you don’t. What you fear I relish. What she fears, you embrace. What he fears, you pursue.
Certain things set off fear in most people — for instance, it’s not unusual for someone to feel nervous before an interview. Various emotions will consume you if you let them. And fear is the one of the worst and the most likely to take over.
When you know that fear is merely an emotion, you can control it much like you do other emotions. Granted fear may be a stronger emotion than most, it is still within your capability to control.
It’s not so different from a serious moment when you’re trying not to laugh. Or those times when you need to keep a straight face when all you want to do is cry.
As an emotion, fear is well within your power to control. So when it comes time for the firm handshake and the polished explanation of your skill set, remember that you are in control.
It Appears Real
The appearance of reality does not make something real. Fear is make-believe. What you think is a unicorn is actually a horse with a horn tied to its head. (Tweet this thought.)
If you let the reality of fear take hold, you then make it real. If you decide that fear is a figment of your imagination, it stops you no more than the monsters under your bed do.
That voice in your head that says “you can’t, you won’t, you shouldn’t even try” is the voice that is trying to win over what you can, what you will and what you have to try.
Remember, while your body’s reaction to fear may be real, fear itself is not.
When you recognize that butterflies in your stomach, a knot in your throat, sweat on your palms and your heart beating fast are all simply the reaction to fear, instead of fear itself, then you are the position of power.
So the next time you’re waiting for an interview or working up the courage to talk to your boss about a raise, remember that your body’s reaction to fear is just that… a reaction. Fear is not going to hurt you. It’s also not going to stop you unless you let it.
Don’t Let Fear Take Hold
Fear is a choice. It’s a decision that you can either succumb to or dissipate.
If you refuse to recognize fear, you refuse to let it take hold. If you can change your mind, you can change your behavior. If you change your behavior, you can change your destiny.
Go find your dream. Embrace what fear is so that it never gets its hooks in you again.
Never let fear keep you from your dream job, or anything else in life.
What are you most afraid of? Let us know in the comments!
Image: Flickr
